IF only

I don't know what's in the air, and maybe it's just where my head is and low feeling I've had, but I've had a case of the fuketalls. And getting the latest copy of International Tattoo Art tattoo magazine hasn't helped either. I look through the issue and it makes me want to draw flash and learn how to run a hot needle. Some of the art and ink work is only okay; however there are tons of talent shown and I think the latest issue has had the greatest amount of awesome ink slingers shoved between two covers. The pics are the kind of stuff that make you realize what you want done to yourself- or what you'd like to do to someone else.

However, everytime I think about trying to seek out a school or apprenticeship, I come back to one thought: I don't like the general public. Maybe it would be different if I weren't here in the Emerald Empire, chock full of college students, hippies and artsy fartsy types. It isn't that I begrudge them their lifestyle; they can whatever the hell they like. It's just I could only put up with so much of their bullshit before I went apeshit. I'm not saying all the people around here are like that, but there are quite a few in the general population and then when you take it down to the ones who'd get ink done it concentrates them. Maybe if I weren't such an asshole it wouldn't bug me.

Maybe someday soon I'll just look into it. After all, someone had to put up with my bullshit and I could probably learn how to handle people. Or maybe I need to just quit reading ITA so I don't get inspired by their stuff. Who knows. All I know is job satisfaction is starting to wain and I don't know where to go next. I feel like the ride is almost over but I'm still trying to figure out how to dismount. Lord knows I don't want to get stuck in the stirrups, but damn I want a nice landing.

Fuck You Both, MSN & WalMart

I know business is business. And I have no beef with advertising. To a certain degree I'm in the biz.

However, for some reason I found it rather disgusting when reading about the death toll from Katrina expected to reach the hundreds, a fucking Wal Mart ad popped up in the way of the article. How fucking tacky.

I realize the reach of that article is going to be a whole shitload, but c'mon guys. Have some class. It's bad enough that tacky little hippy looking thing talking about low mortgage rates is implanted in all the articles, but having a baby sitting on the beach with a big smile on his face just takes it to a higher level of ginch. And I don't mean that in a good way.

May the families who've lost homes, jobs and loved ones be consoled.

Up and Down 97

Nothing feels better to be almost done hauling hay for the year. My body is still tired (more than likely from only getting five hours of sleep after a fucking trailer fiasco) and I really don't feel like being at work today, but it's a good tired. The kind of weariness that comes with manual labor and sweat and not from staring at a fucking computer screen all day. Plus, the missus is happy her orphan will be well fed for the winter, and getting some of that worry off of her mind is worth any amount of sore muscles.

The best part had to be spending time with my brother though. He really came through for me this weekend with a pickup and trailer, but getting to spend 8 hours with nothing to do but bullshit was fun. Yeah, I'd do stuff like tell him I needed to piss after he passed a line of cars (which irritates the hell out of him) and he'd make deroguatory statements about groups of people I didn't feel were appropriate, but we had a good time none the less. Lots of laughs. Like going through Chemult, he saw these two hippy looking chicks walking down the side of the road and yelled, "Burning Man or Bust! Woohoooo!" and I told him they probably heard, "Hey, Ugly Sluts! Woohoooo!" Or we'd report to each other what truckers were supposed to do if they wanted a hand job or blowjob or gay sex at the rest stop. Just goofy shit like that- stuff no one would find as humorous as we did.

The hardest part of the weekend was probably getting to spend so much time in the area where I grew up. I know it's not the same place I left years ago, and I know it'll never be home again. But being near the homestead and ranches my family settled on and running the roads I ran when in high school and courting the missus makes me long for the hot days and cold nights of Klamath County. I love the land down there. I love the hills and rocks and mountains and pines and junipers and coyotes and everything else. I could do without Klamath Falls; it's a real shit hole. But all towns and cities are. If I die I hope they don't bury me or spread my ashes up here. I hope they take me home.

Miami Ink

If you live in the States, have cable or satellite and watch TLC, without a doubt you've seen the ads for Miami Ink, the show about a Miami Tattoo parlour doing, well, tattoos and stuff.

As a show, it's alright. I've been interested in tattoos since I was 4 or 5 (and amazingly I just have the one, though I might get more added to it soon) and have seen every form of documentary on TV about tattoos and tattooing. Needless to say, I was excited about the show.

But the excitement has faded. It's not a bad show, it's just, well, it's just sometimes a little too much on the "don't judge me because of my tats" bullshit. But that's just me, and in my opinion any time you do something kustom there's a risk, whether it's dropping your sled in the weeds or getting a monster back peice. People are going to look and have opinions. And people who don't want to be thought of a criminals by little white haired old ladies need to realize that tattooing, to a certain degree or another, has always been associated with the rougher elements of society, including criminals.

Anyways, enough of that rant. What makes the show interesting is seeing the apprentice, Yoji (sp?) try to earn is wings with the needle. Just watching these guys go from flash to ink is amazing and worth seeing.

But what makes it uninteresting are all the little stories about their client's tattoos. I mean, I know why they want to do that human interest type stuff, but really, it gets to be a bit much. Plus you always hear them say the same thing five or six times. Maybe if they showed more of the detail, the blood, tears, adrenaline, pain and joy and less of the talking, it would get the same success of American Hot Rod or American Choppers. It's seeing these guys work (especially Chris Garver) that's amazing. Personally, outside a brief statement from the client, and this'll make me sound like a real asshole, I could really give a damn about the stories. I mean, they have them repeat the same line over and over and over again, like we're all a bunch of ADD adled stoners or something that lack concentration.

Anyways, watch the show. It's good. But my suggestions would make it way better. It's on Tuesdays with a repeat on Wednesdays.

Proof that Scientists are just College-Educated Idiots

Or at least the scientists from Cornell are pretty dumb. Apparently they have this 'great' idea to take a bunch of African animals and dump them off on the American prairie to make it like it was 10,000 to 1.8 million years ago.

Why?

According to an article about their stupid ass plan, to "revitalize ecosystems that have been compromised by the extinction of many of the continent's large mammals, many of them predators. It would also offer ecotourism and land-management jobs to help the struggling economies in rural areas of the Great Plains and Southwest."

What these areas don't need are tourist economies- especially from animals that will be competing with native species. Tourist economies don't offer especially high paying jobs and these animals will be eating the food needed by native deer, elk, antelope, wolves, cougars, etc.- or eating them. There's enough trouble trying to re-introduce wolves to areas they once roamed. Adding African wildlife just seems even more ridiculous. It's like they were sitting around, stoned, thinking of all these wild pipe dreams and this one stuck. It has to be some sort of frat-boyesque dare or something.

If Ted Turner wants to do that on his own ranches, that's fine. It's his land and he can do whatever the hell he wants. But keep your damn African wildlife either in Africa or on your fucking ranch. There are too many environmental, as well as regulatory, issues that would come up to even make this seem like a good idea. Stupid big-brained stoners.

It's back

Well, looks like my old friend the blues has returned (thanks, Steve E). He's been lurking around but I thought after a 5 or 6 month visit he'd gather his shit and leave for at least a couple of months.

It's probably for spending a good chunk of yesterday morning pissed off at shit I can't even control, which is even more frustrating. Guess I used up all my dopamine on it. So, perhaps if I can crawl under my desk and take a nap it'll all balance out.

This is strangely therapeutic.

And it's Friday

I'm tired but in a weird way I feel good.

My missus is something else. She was going to surprise me with one of my oldest friends and his family along with my brother and his growing family tonight down in Klamath. Unfortunately, it all fell apart. But the fact she went through the trouble made me feel good and loved. And all I got her was a lousy CD she's wanted forever.

A newer friend from the UK also made a thread in a forum just for me. Again, another sweet gal. And my mom is paying for the missus and I to stay in a hotel.

What's the point of this? I'm surrounded by great women. I'm one of the luckiest bastards around today!

I'm so glad I'm not one of these guys

I think right now, hands down, the toughest job in the world would have to be that of an Israeli soldier.

Regardless if you support Israel or Palestine, can you imagine what it's like to tell people you protected from wackos with bombs strapped to themselves to pack your shit and get gone? How it would feel to yeild an area you risked your life to protect day in and day out? To worry about others viewing your leaving, your lack of presence, as an indicator their terror tactics worked? It'd be like the UK giving Northern Ireland back the to Irish after the IRA's campaign of terror that didn't give them any guarantees of peace. I think it'd make one wonder what was the point of their job.

I can't imagine being uprooted from my home as a part of a government treaty. I can't imagine my home being lost in a 6 day long war either. Makes me happy I was born where I was born and live where I live. Yeah, I have radical ideas on what direction I think this nation should head and maybe there's been times I've not been happy with the leadership, but I still feel damned lucky to be born and raised here.

Hopefully these people will be able to make peace with their government. And hopefully it brings peace to area.

ARRRGH!

Okay, this really pisses me off. Sometimes I think of something I really want to write about, but I'm either in the car or laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. So I think, "I'll just write about it tomorrow!"

Sure as shit, I fucking forget about it.

God Bless Rob Zombie

For a present the missus bought what basically equates to the Rob Zombie greatest hits collection. It's pretty sweet; not only do you get a CD with 20 some kick ass tunes but also a DVD with some videos of some of his greatest. It's fucking fantastic.

Anyways, listening to the tracks, something occured to me: Rob Zombie is the only one still carrying on the ethos of kustom kulture from the '60's in his music. Well, at least 60's hot rod kulture. The kind of music that'd probably bring a smile to the face of Big Daddy Roth, may he rest in peace.

Instead of singing wussy-ass songs about some girl or being politically correct or just being a general dumbass, Mr. Zombie gives us leaded, balls out songs about cars, haulin' ass and scary stuff. Black Sunshine, Two Lane Blacktop, Dragula, Super Charger Heaven, Demon Speeding- and even the songs that aren't about hot-rodding seem to have a full tilt, revved-up feel to them.

So, instead of listening to same old bullshit on the radio, do yourself a favor and buy every fucking CD you can find from Rob Zombie and support one of the few people who might actually know who the hell Von Dutch was.

Some People

You ever meet some person, a total stranger, that is a giant asshole for no reason at all? And when they turn their assholedness on someone you care about, what do you do about it?

We went to BB King concert in Medford. The man is still a master, as is one of his opening acts, Joe Bonamassa. You should really check his shit out. It's fucking awesome. Not just awesome- fucking awesome. He did things with that guitar that I've never heard done before. He's just one of those guys who will either hit it big or get a fiercly loyal following. In my opinion, he was 10 times better than Kenny Wayne Sheppard that night. Bonamassa just plays such a stripped down, raw style of blues that you can't help but like it. He's doing something that seems to be missed these days. If you're reading this and you haven't clicked on that link and bought a CD, you really ought to do it now. How often do you get to get in the ground floor of the next big thing? Well, I don't know how ground floor 5 CDs is, but the guy is a fucking master. Drop the $20 and make your ears, and your soul, happy. Seriously.

But anyways, after enjoying an evening of great music and expensive beers, we're leaving and, of course, it's a huge cluster fuck. There's roughly 500 cars fighting to get out one exit. So, my missus, in a way that means she has to got to use the bathroom roughly every half hour, is getting desperate, and asks some guy if there was anyway she could pull in front of him. She explains her situation and his reply is no. That I heard. What I didn't hear was his next clever quuip, "I'm not the one who got you pregnant." The missus rolled up her window and I didn't know why but I figured it was because the guy was being a jerk. So we ditched the car with our in-laws and found a bathroom and on the way back she tells me this story.

Okay, so the guy is a dickhead. And I had just enough beer and just being tired of the world's bullshit to want to go and find the mother fucker and crack his skull open. No one talks to the missus like that. But what kind of person am I that I didn't go hunt him down after I heard the story and make him apologize? Should I have spit in his face? Should I have just called him an asshole and let it lie? Or should I have taken care of business, grabbed a golf club out of the back and see how serious he wanted to get?

The worst part is that mother fucking, cock-sucking assholes like this aren't worth going to jail over, and as a result they rarely get their's. And I know I would have had a car-load of pissed off people if I'd of gotten tossed in the hoosegow. But still. I so wish I had confronted the piece of shit instead of just letting him drive off, 15 cars in front of us.

it's time to get goin'

I have a friend the other day saying how her feet are getting itchy and she'd ready to do a bit of traveling. I don't know that I necessarily get itchy feet- I mean I like where I live and never really have any great yen to travel far from home. If I don't see Africa, it'll not be any skin off my nose. The same with South America. And though I'd like to see Tokyo just out of sheer curiosity, if I don't make it I don't make it. But I do have a feeling I'll at least see a little bit of Europe before I 'm dust or ashes.

However, though I don't ever get the craving to roam far from home, my feet get heavy and I want to go for a drive. I want to get the hell out of the valley and head east over the hill where there's sagebrush and junipers and you can actually see something. I love the open country and rolling hills where you can see the geology and natural history exposed to the elements and time. I love the tiny towns and two lanes. And the night skies! You can see stars that in the valley you never realized existed. I grew up looking at those skies and though where we live we get a pretty good look at them, it's still nothing compared to what I could see growing up.

And maybe the want for the highway has more to do with being homesick. I mean, the little house in the country where the missus and I live is home, but in a wierd way it's not our homeland. I feel like an immigrant here and I suspect I always will. And I know once you leave you can never go back home, but in a wierd way that dried-out little county with nothing to offer in the way of a living but everything to offer in environment still feels like home. And it always feels good to be there. Only it's painful sometimes to leave. It's hard to leave the family when you only get to visit them for a few hours and you can see them getting older with each visit. But it's also hard to leave a land that impacted how you view yourself and the world.

I doubt the missus would be up for a road trip, and I can't blame her. I don't think she has the same feeling, or at least as strongly as I do, for that place. And I know I won't be making in runs or pilgrimages on my own. Hopefully I go there at night when I sleep while the cool breezes blow over from the coastal range and into our little hollow in the valley.

The Luckiest People

Some of the luckiest people in the world are those who have faith in something. They know there's some bigger plan and can see all the strings, or at least have faith that the strings are there. Fuck what Barbara Streisand sang, people who have faith are the luckiest people. She's a dumb bitch anyways. And maybe Bacharac is to for writing that stupid ass song.

But I envy those people. They can sleep at night. The ocean and the stars don't bug them. They're happier. And from what I've read they also live longer. Lucky, believin' in something bastards.

Seriously though, those who have faith in something beautiful seem to lead beautiful lives. So, I guess the inverse is people who don't believe in anything lead nothing lives? God, I hope not.

Also

It's hard, but I don't want to be one of those whiny ass people either that go on about how "dark" their life is and shit. I mean, I guess I am one. But I don't want to be one. Know what I mean?

I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam I guess.

I'm tired.

a nice little quiet spot

I dunno. It took me a while to understand all this blogging stuff. I realize people do it for different reasons, but the one thing that struck was how many people use it therapeutically. I suppose that's why I'm sitting here typing, being anti-social and not getting the exercise my doctor said I need to start getting.

I don't know if anyone will read this. And there's some comfort in knowing that if anyone does, chances are they'll be a stranger as I haven't told any family or friends I'm doing this. The anonymity is comforting, more comforting than telling someone. Plus, or at least for me, no one responds to any shit I post so I don't have to ever worry about it. In some ways it feels like being in a stadium or gym and everyone is so focused on everything they don't notice you. But you still have the chance to be noticed- if you want to.

It's shit like being depressed for the better part of 6 months. You can hide that shit pretty good if you like but you know you have to let someone know. Or that's what they say. You should talk to someone and you'll feel better. And I suppose there's some truth in that, only do you really want to drag people down with your problems, especially when you know they have bigger problems facing them and you just don't feel right? See, posting that here, without anyone reading it or feeling like they need to say anything, almost feels better. I got something off my chest and I didn't have to bug anyone with it. And in time all this will disappear into the last gleams of 1s and 0s.

I guess it's also one of those deals where I know I have shit I should probably get counseling for. But since I know I have these issues, and I know I have to keep them in check, what the hell is anyone going to tell me that's going to help? Seriously. It's not like I'm a raving drunk or anything. And I sure as hell ain't going to take some sort of happy pill. I know they help lots of people. It's just not for me. It didn't help my old man, and I'm really bad with meds anyway. The last thing I need to find is an addiction or something.

So, instead I'll sit here and type in relative obscurity.

While watching the TV

Last night the missus and I were watching the John Stewart show and they had a segment about the Dukes of Hazzard and how Cooter was boycotting it, as was some other guy that was a leader of the NAACP.

Two things struck me. First, with the "redneck" or "hick" speak. Now see, this is what the rest of the nation hates about New Yorkers (or people from the Northeast in general). It doesn't come off funny. Just obnoxious. I realize these people don't represent the average New Yorker taking the subway to work or running a gas station in the Adirondecks. But it's still the shit that pisses the rest of us off.

Next, the Confederate Flag and all the "controversy" around it. Being white, growing up in rural Oregon and far from the South, the banner was always the Rebel Flag, not a symbol of hate. It had more to do with being a reminder that the South is rebellious and was, historically, the symbol a new nation was going to assemble under. Coming from an area in Oregon that wanted to form Jefferson State, I like it's reminder of rebellion. But I can also understand why African American get a little pissed when seeing it, mainly because those asshole Klansmen insist on flying it at their dumbass rallies. Though, I've also seen them call themselves and bring out the bible and occassionally fly the American Flag. Should those now be considered symbols of hate?

These sons-of-bitches are co-opting any symbol they can to spread their message. The dumb mother fuckers have even turned to rap! Rap! But concerning symbols, according to an article I read in International Tattoo Art magazine, the US military won't allow "racist" tattoos on their soldiers, including shamrocks and celtic knotwork. That means these dickheads have taken the heritage of another people and are now using it for their own ignorant purpose. So where does this shit end?

We need to take our cultural symbols back from these fuckers. Period. We know bad shit, really bad shit, has been done under our flags. Getting rid of them isn't the way to handle it though. Just as the Civil War had more to do than just slavery, so do these symbols of national, regional and cultural pride.

Next time you see one of these dress-wearers sporting an American or Rebel flag or tattooed with a celtic theme, when they start spouting off their bullshit, pull their skirt up over their head and go to town on their kidneys. Unfortunately assholes like this only understand violence and fear. We need to take our symbols back or we'll be left with nothing.

Al Qaeda = KKK

I think we're looking at Al Qaeda all wrong. They're not just a bunch of terrorists; they're a bunch of hateful, racist motherfuckers, just like the good ol' Ku Klux Klan. The only difference is they're more organized than the Klan, so I guess they're more like the Nazi Skinhead movement.

Think about. They hate based on religion, which is one element of the Klan. They're extreme in their interpretation of the Muslim sacred text, much like some of these robed assholes try to read Bible passages into their hatred. The Klan wants all Jews, blacks, Asians, Hispanics and everyone else that isn't inbred and white to leave the US. Al Qaeda wants all non-Arabs to leave the Mid-East. Both wear robes and hide their faces. Both kill and terrorize innocent people. Both blame the victims for their crimes for the perpetration of the killing, maiming and other general mayhem. Both are incredibly ignorant.

So how do you fight this? I guess the first thing you have to do marginalize them. It's taken the teeth out of the Klan, perhaps it'd work with these sons-of-bitches. While you can't kill ideas and thoughts, you can marginalize them. Expose them for being incredibly ignorant. Weed out the weaknesses of their arguments. Make them look as hateful and ignorant to their intended target audience as they do to the rest of the world.

Because that's what they are. A bunch of ignorant, hateful, hell-bound bastards the world would be better off without.

I think it's going away

I don't know if anyone else has noticed this lately, but it looks like the star that connects the handle to the cup on the big dipper is starting to fade.

Think about it. After how many eons of lighting our night skies, guiding sailors and being one of the most easily recognizable constellations, it could change. A star that died tens of thousands of years ago finally ceasing to even glimmer for our children and grand children.

I guess it just goes to show nothing is forever, regardless of what Kansas says in their songs. Loved ones faces age, children grow old, technology leaps forward and the stars fade from the night sky. It all changes, it all comes and goes and we are helpless to stop the march of time.

Speaking of Music . . . .

You know who's way too under-appreciated? Noki Edwards and the Ventures.

Yeah, those guys. You haven't heard of them? Then you're a knucklehead.

Seriously though, I have some CDs a friend made for me with their music and it's amazing to see how their early surf-guitar influenced pop, garage, rock and country. The music is pristine. It's crisp and clear and just makes you feel good. In a way, it reflects some of the innocence of the early 60's but kind of shows you where they were headed. I guess it's optimistic, but if you take into account the era, optimism makes sense. Of course, you still had awful shit going on. Every time period does.

If you haven't checked out the Ventures, do yourself a treat and check them out. And if you want a guitar from someone who knows their way up and down the neck, you gotta' check out Noki's website.

Politics & Music

A few months ago a co-worker and I were discussing various bands and such and it came up that there were certain musicians he didn't like because they were too pro-American while another band which in the past that he didn't like before was now interesting to him because they made a very public anti-Bush statement in London (I'm guessing you can guess which genre and which artists at this point- at least if you're live in the States. Yeah, it's old news. Just bear with me.)

My brother also went from liking an artist and the same anti-Bush band and hating them for various stances.

I think both people are entitle to their opinions. However, it made me realize that if I only listened to music based on politics I wouldn't be able to listen to jack shit! But it was kinda' sad in both cases that these two guys were turning themselves off to some potentially good stuff. Just think of all the ideas, melodies, whatever you get out of music you'd be missing if you weren't willing to listen to someone's music because you disagree with their views on politics, patriotism, the environment, corporate America 0r whatever else. Would be a pretty quiet world.

So there you go.

And here we are, Monday

Which means I didn't up and forget this whole deal over the weekend!

I so wish I wasn't here today. There are a million other things I'd rather be doing. Like working the horses. Or cleaning the garage. Or working on the Olds. Or playing with leather working stuff. Hell, what I'd really like to do is go for a drive. get in the Olds (pretending I got the starter swapped out and the drum turned and gas was plentiful and cheap) and just drive. Drive to the east side of the state. Drive to where I can see something. Drive somewhere I haven't driven before.

I don't think there's any job that totally fulfills a person. I mean, I like the job I have now, but is it fullfilling? Not really. But if I were to do any of my hobbies for a living I'd probably feel the same. I think in the end we all want to feel like we've made a difference or did something worth remembering. What I do is definitely not memorable. I've even been told by the missus I contribute nothing of value to society.

So does that mean I'm going to start volunteering to feeding children or reading to old people or something. Hell no. That's not what I want to do. but I don't know what I want to do.

Right now I just want to sleep.