a nice little quiet spot

I dunno. It took me a while to understand all this blogging stuff. I realize people do it for different reasons, but the one thing that struck was how many people use it therapeutically. I suppose that's why I'm sitting here typing, being anti-social and not getting the exercise my doctor said I need to start getting.

I don't know if anyone will read this. And there's some comfort in knowing that if anyone does, chances are they'll be a stranger as I haven't told any family or friends I'm doing this. The anonymity is comforting, more comforting than telling someone. Plus, or at least for me, no one responds to any shit I post so I don't have to ever worry about it. In some ways it feels like being in a stadium or gym and everyone is so focused on everything they don't notice you. But you still have the chance to be noticed- if you want to.

It's shit like being depressed for the better part of 6 months. You can hide that shit pretty good if you like but you know you have to let someone know. Or that's what they say. You should talk to someone and you'll feel better. And I suppose there's some truth in that, only do you really want to drag people down with your problems, especially when you know they have bigger problems facing them and you just don't feel right? See, posting that here, without anyone reading it or feeling like they need to say anything, almost feels better. I got something off my chest and I didn't have to bug anyone with it. And in time all this will disappear into the last gleams of 1s and 0s.

I guess it's also one of those deals where I know I have shit I should probably get counseling for. But since I know I have these issues, and I know I have to keep them in check, what the hell is anyone going to tell me that's going to help? Seriously. It's not like I'm a raving drunk or anything. And I sure as hell ain't going to take some sort of happy pill. I know they help lots of people. It's just not for me. It didn't help my old man, and I'm really bad with meds anyway. The last thing I need to find is an addiction or something.

So, instead I'll sit here and type in relative obscurity.