Long October

One time long ago the missus said she thought I was an old soul. She decided the way I do things and the way I see things and what not reminded her of someone who's been around the block a lot. I don't know if she'd say that now, and honestly the way I feel these days I don't think so much that I am.

It feels funny, like there's something coming to an end without a new beginning following it. Yeah, I've got a few changes coming up, some big ones. But in the past I've been able to picture my life a few months and even a few years after those changes. These days all I see are black. I know that can't be right.

I also have noticed the yellow leaves a lot more this fall than I ever have. I usually hate autumn and the deciduous trees shamelessly dropping their litter all around and exposing their naked trunks. I've never like the feeling of fall either. It used to depress the hell out of me. It felt the ending of everything versus the beginning (which I know is incongruous to my thoughts on notebooks and New Years). Maybe it's because I loved the extended dusks of summer so much that fast settings of the fall sun didn't give me much to enjoy. But this year it's almost comforting to see the yellow (though not so much the red and brown) leaves and feel the cold, damp fog stick to my skin when I feed the horses. The shortened sunsets with the extended nights feel more natural. In the past, that's what I loved about winter, never fall.

So, tonight I'll have a cup of strong coffee, stare blindly at the TV and think about whether I'm really an old soul or not. Perhaps if I am I'm taking the long route to the center of the city.