What It Comes Down To

I watched Gangs of New York again last night. Though it's loosely based on the oral history of what was going on at the time of the conscription riots and whatnot, and recognizing it's far from being a true story and questioning some other points, it's still one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Jay Cocks spins one helluva' yarn and Scorsese does one helluva' a job putting it together. I was always afraid it was going to be some obviously political, overly done piece of hype. But after watching it again, it's definitely not that.

Watching it the first time, it reminded me of the current talks of re-instituting the drafts and how much it pissed me off. This time, I found myself thinking what am I willing to fight and die for? Is there anything? I'd like to say yes, but to actually take up arms and risk my life? I don't know if I would or could. Of course I would if I were called up to fight. But to form my own militia or join one, even if it were something I were passionate about, I don't know if I could. Even as pissed off as I was when I saw the footage of the towers falling down, I considered enlisting but didn't. Sure, I didn't want to leave the missus and I had a job and other responsibilities, but I don't know if I even would of if it weren't for those reasons.

I don't know where this is going, to be honest. Sure, if the safety of the missus or someone eles I love was at risk, I'd shift into ass kicking mode and would be willing to bear the brunt of the consequences to follow. It's what happens when you love people. But that's not necessarily what this is about. All I know is that I can question how strongly I believe in something and how far I'm willing to fight for that position and whether or not I'm willing to martyr myself for a cause.