Black Clouds

Well, they feel like they're here stay a bit longer. And when they're not darkening things, they unleash angry storms that make no sense. But maybe this'll help.

A semi-confidant helped a little, and made it at least to where I could go home and not worry the missus. Though I call her a semi-confidant, in all honesty I could make her a full one if I could just type up the words. Sometimes typing shit is harder than saying it; on the screen staring back at you are the things you hate and the secrets you'd like to hide. You can't back down from them and when you hit submit, they travel through 1s and 0s to another screen that tells the other person what it is. The sc, like the missus, has a way of looking at things and they don't seem as dark and horrible. I wish I could feel that way about it. But if she ever stumbles across this (which I manage she will someday), thank you. I only wish you lived closer.

I know have shit to reconcile. I know there's shit out of my control. And I know I worry about things I'll never be able to have the upper hand on. That's just the nature of things. I know to a certain degree people who've known me all their lives (well, at least one person) looks at me like a time bomb waiting to go off. I don't know if he's right and I pray that he's wrong. But more than anything I hope I can get these stupid thoughts and desires out of my head so I don't hurt the missus. The rest of it will go where it always goes.