Looking Outside
Now, this isn't supposed to be one of those Eeyore (you know, that mopey-ass donkey from Winnie the Pooh), poor me type of posts. But, inevitably, it will sound like one.
There's a lot of shit I have to reconcile with, and today, the most glaring one is the fact I don't really belong in a lot of places. I think as much as everyone wants to be an outsider and a lone gunman, deep inside, to a certain degree, we want to belong to something. The outsider and lone gunmen belong to a whole society of outsiders and other lone gunmen.
At work, I don't fit in. The forum where I moderate I don't fit in. I fit in to a certain degree with my friends, but not really. I'm somewhere between the professionals and the blue collars but not really either. Elementary school, high school, college, the same story. My family, my hometown- the same thing except for I'm the fucker who left and never visits. I guess we all feel like that, but I feel like that all the time. It's like the ringing in my ears; it's always been there and I suppose it always will be.
I guess I'm the guy sitting on the edge of the circle but not on the inside but not way off on the outside with all the other people who don't want to fit in. It's not like I give a shit if I fit in; if I did I'd probably dress better and not cuss every damn thing that pisses me off or wave my arms like a frustrated chimp. I'd change my politics, my point of view, the way I do whatever it is I do.
Alright, enough of the whiny ass bullshit that I'm always being a fucking whine-ass about. Stuff it down, zip it up and let 'er roll.
posted by The RHS @ 10:05 AM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Gosh, I used to feel this way -All -The -Time.
I think it took genuine self introspection and humility to let myself in to others and make it about them, not me.
Blogging helps, I've only been on it for some months but when you're visiting someone else's site, you can talk about yourself or them or whatever, but you're not negative. Who's going to take the time to bum out on other peeps' blogs? So it feels good to say good things to people you don't even know!
You may not feel like you fit in at work (I didn't at Corporate America, really) but have you taken a GENuine interest in anyone and not worried about you/if they dig you/if they reciprocate to you?
I guess I'd suggest giving it a go.
*smile*
I don't worry so much about the reciprocation part. If it happens, it happens. that kind of stuff comes back to you and if it don't, it don't.
Interesting though. thanks for the perspective.
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