Choices

Ohh, damn I wish I had money and the ability to convince the missus we need more cars.

I love the Monster Zero. I do. It was the rig my brother rodeoed and worked in. The big black beast just floats down the road with the power and grace of a Cadillac of the same vintage. Plus, since it's an Olds, not everyone and their friggin' brother have one, unlike Cadillacs. Don't get me wrong- I love Cadillacs. But there is something to be said about standing out.

I even know what I want to do to the Monster. drop the ass end 5-6 inches, the front maybe 2 or 3, flat black for paint with a matching white top, scrape off the handles and get some new hubcaps. Just a mild, but mean, custom to match it's personality.

But then I read about a 1928 Ford coupe project someone is abandoning. They have a 283 ready for it and everything. The son of a bitch is already 80% finished. Price, they'd trade for a 56 Ford pickup (which I can scrape up a 51 with the original Flathead under the hood, if they'd take that). I already know what I'd do to it too. Either flat black or a real faded blue, skull or star on the doors and tool heavy leather for door panels. It'd be right on par with what they were doing back then, but I think the door panels I'd create would set it apart from the rest.

With the girl the last thing I should be doing is looking at another fucking car. But this is serious old school. they don't make these at all anymore. And I know the missus would prefer it the Monster. However, I still love the Monster. It's the perfect family cruiser and the monster engine and tranny could pull the piss out of a horse trailer.

Arrrggh!

The truth is I probably won't do a damn thing. But the fact whenever I see something from the pre-1959 era I want it and am almost willing to part with the Olds. Maybe that's a sign. After all, a car is just a car, no matter how fucking cool it is.

Here's to Keeping Your Mouth Shut

Oy, life has been busy still. And it's going to get busier yet. But that's okay.

You ever feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you know something's changed and while you'll miss the weight and the feeling of it, the relief is better?

Something that had been bugging me for almost a year had been bothering me. Sometimes it was worse than others because it really changed how I saw myself and how, if I went with my heart versus my head, it could potentially re-arrange lives. I thought it out on long drives home and in the dark when I tried to sleep. At times I thought I had kicked the feelings and then they'd come back, making me yearn even more something I knew I couldn't have and would regret going after.

There were times the temptation to say something to someone was there and as torturous as it was I kept my mouth shut, all but actually saying what it was.

But I kept my mouth shut. I dealt with it as internally as possible. Then something happened that was completely out of my control and gave me an insight into things. That insight, as slight as it was, changed everything. Things are clearer. And that nagging feeling that dogged me for so damn long is gone. And because I thought more before I spoke I didn't wreck anything.

It feels good.

Things that make me smile

Old ladies driving 77 Firebirds with the shaker hood. Watching the missus and the girl sleep. Big dents in fancy cars, especially European ones. Smiles from my girls. Watching corgis run. Really cloudy and warm days. Dark beer. The burburling of the Monster Zero's (formerly called The Jinx) 455.

Looking Back

Yeah, I know most people do their reflective, introspective end of year stuff in December or January 1. But I've never done anything on time, so why start now?

You know, for a year that started off kind of so so, filled up the middle with an incredibly long down period, it ended pretty well. Or rather, at least November was good, and you all know why!

At any rate, it seems like it's one of those deals that I learned a bit about myself and bit about other people in general. Yeah, that's a pretty obvious statement. But looking back it seems like that's what I spent a lot of time doing, figuring shit out. I thought this growing up shit was easy and would be over with by now. Maybe it's good that it isn't.

The things I learned about other people are rather pessimistic. Like how it's all right if it's your guy pulling shit but if it's my guy pulling that shit then there'll be hell to pay. Or how if you don't do something that needs to be done you can't get in trouble for doing it whereas the guy who does will. But there's also good qualities, like the kindness of strangers and the loyalty of friends.

About myself? That you can't understand what people say about love until you've actually experienced that. The girl taught me that lesson. I've also learned that I'll never be happy working for someone else. Also I need to find a better way to cope with down cycles. Then there's the whole I have the potential to be like my old man. And I also need to just start doing instead of just wanting to do because I'll get nowhere on that plan.

So here's to 2006. May it be better than 2005 and may 2007 be better yet!

MIA

Yeah, I know I haven't been around much lately and it's not for lack of want. But January is here and hopefully things will be a whole helluva' lot less crazy. At any rate I'm getting shit figured out so that has to be good, right?

To those who keep stopping by, thanks. =)