A Wee Bit of Reflection

You guys, I'm tired.

Everything feels all fucked up but right now, at this very moment, whether it's exhaustion or some other reason, I feel at peace. But I know it's not for long.

And no one ever said the right decision was the easiest one.

I get to do the artwork for another concert poster, which has me a little excited. Now only if there were a way to make some fucking money off of this stuff. It also has me excited with the thought of getting another tattoo. Actually, it'd just be adding to the one I already have. But still, something to look forward too.

After talking to my father-in-law last weekend, I've decided I need to be a little more lenient about how I go about dealing with co-workers and clients. Somewhere along the line I've turned into an asshole. Well, a bigger asshole.

I'm tired of pissing people off. Let me rephrase that. I'm tired of pissing off people I care about. I don't want them sad or mad. I just want them to understand.

But I guess understanding is what we all want.

That's Fucking Disgusting.

So I work in a professional-ish office building, which means, for the most part, the people are clean and should do things like wash their hands. We're talking in theory. Honestly, in a lot of ways the bathroom at the Toyota dealership I worked at was cleaner. Or at least I didn't feel like I needed to wash my ass directly after taking a shit.

The new thing is someone is leaving little black pubic hairs on the toilet seat. I don't know how people can flush the toilet, look down and not think, "Gee, I wonder if I should brush those into the toilet real quickly?" No. They don't. Instead, it's probably more like' "Watch this! Someone is going to be carrying my DNA on their ass!" or "I OWN this toilet."

Yesterday, someone decided to leave ass lint on the back of the toilet too. That's just fucking disgusting. Why in the hell would you leave ass lint? Why not just piss all over the fucking toilet seat while you're at it?

Finally, there's some guy with his guts rotting out or something. Nice enough guy, however, everytime he takes a dump and you lift the seat to take a piss, it looks like someone detonated a diarrhea bomb in the toilet. Everyday, he does this. His asshole must be raw! I just wish he'd change his diet.

Now the goal is to change my schedule. I'm hoping to get it set so I don't have seat the throne until I get home. I'm trying to slowly push back an hour a week. I'm hoping at the end of five weeks I'll be able to wait until I get home. At least there, I know who is doing the disgusting stuff.

Burden

Sometimes you just stumble down the track and you know you're gonna' say something you regret and do something you regret and once that person's gone, they're gone. That's it. You're so pissed at them and you're tired of feeling sorry for them. You love them. But you're still angry and a little hurt.

Yet, you know all this time is short. You don't know how short. It just is and you can feel it in the core of your soul. And mayber you're wrong. You've been wrong before. Hell, you're wrong all the fucking time and why would this be any different, right?

There's that part of you that's about ready to wash your hand of the gahdamm thing and be done with all of it. But you don't. You know there'll be regret later. And you know when they're gone, they're gone.

Stop

Yeah, I haven't been around. That doesn't mean I haven't been reading. ;)

I'm tired. Tired of it all. I'm tired of being pissed. Tired of feeling like I want to fight everybody. I'm tired of feeling like I'm fighting everybody. I just want to do things my way. I just want people to fucking take care of themselves.

I want to be like Barbaro. Ready to take on the world. Even when gimped, he's trying to run. They vet him and he's ready to get back to the business of sniffing mares and jumping and kicking. What a heart he must have! It can't all be instinct. It can't all be just nature. He's a fighter. He doesn't give up, get tired or get discouraged.

We should all be lucky to be him.

The Most Wonderful Time of Year

Tomorrow is the day of the Kentucky Derby, one of the only three sporting events I actually make an effort to watch (the other two being the Preakness and the Belmont). I love watching those horses run. It's a thing of beauty; it's all they know so they give it their all. Remember Giacomo and Afleet Alex from last year? Giacomo was a long shot and won it while Afleet Alex ran an amazing race that was all heart. That animal went off the rail and back in. It was one of the most amazing things I ever say. Even right now I can see the horse's determination to win. Talk about your ifs; if only the jockey had sat that horse before Afleet Alex could have been a Triple Crown winner.

I don't know a whole helluva' lot about horse racing. I just love to watch them run. A month ago I was stoked about Bluegrass Cat, but he just got a jockey this week. However, his trainer is one of those guys who consistently turns out great horses and the jockey has ran the derby before.

I'm also interested in Barbaro. Odds are looking pretty good for him. He's just a beautiful animal. Bob and John is another horse I'm watching. The odds have been slowly slipping, but there's a great jockey on him so it could be the one.

One of the prettiest horses in the whole damn thing is Steppenwolfer. He's a blue roan/gray beast that looks more refined than anything you'd see in the Louvre. I know my granma's going for him because she always bets the grays.

Sweetnorthersaint is a little guy that looks like he's built for speed. If he's not weighted down too much, his lean build might be the one you see taking the roses. From what I can tell this 10-1 shot is good in the mud, though it looks like it's not going to be all that sloppy. But still, you never can tell!

Though the Derby is exciting, I love the Preakness. There's so much at stake for the winner of the Derby that the drama is just overpowering. The dreams made after the winner crosses the line at the Derby are either furthered or shattered at the Preakness. What more could you ask for?

So you see the five I'm pulling for. I'm still trying to pick a favorite. Who you pickin'?