Cherry Blossom Snow

I don't know, maybe it's the time of year or something but I've been thinking a lot about the people I was close to but have now drifted away from. It's funny that there are some people you think you'll always be in touch with and it kills you to go for an amount of time without hearing from them then to transition into this weirdo state where they still cross your mind all the time but you just don't give them a call. I'm missing some more than others, but I guess that's life. Maybe some day I'll be brave and write about them or better yet write them.

It's beautiful here today. The sky is an optimistic blue but there's still gray on the horizon to keep you in your place. There's a huge cherry tree in our pasture and the blossoms are still huge and white and clustered together like snowballs. The next few weeks are the most beautiful at our little house. The apple trees will start blossoming along with the pear trees and plum trees and cherry trees and when the wind hits the tired blossoms it'll snow petals. Our yard will be littered with apple blossom confetti. It's beautiful and sad all at once to see the petals on the spring breeze because you know you're living in a perfect moment that passes as quickly as the blossoms fade.

I feel an ending in my bones and in my chest. I guess I'm ready for it.

Keep 'Im Muzzled

Okay, so the other day the missus, girl and I were going to the PC to get a few things for dinner. Just a few things we didn't have and missed on our big shopping excursion to the WinCo.

Right in front of the store are five parking spots, two labeled for senior citizens. Naturally, I didn't park there but next to the last senior's spot. While I'm getting the girl and the missus is getting out, this older guy, getting out of some sort of piece of shit station wagon, looks at us and says, "Looks like senior citizens are getting younger and younger!"

I smiled at him with an eat shit smile, but I always assume people are being assholes. At first the missus thought he was making a joke at himself, but when she gave a polite laugh he didn't smile. After the gimped-up motherfucker hobbled into the store, the missus asked me if I thought he was referring to where we parked. I answered yes.

The big question is why do people take it upon themselves to try "put" people in their places when they're so fucking wrong? Does he think he has a right to every fucking parking place close to the entrance of the store? Honestly, I gotta' tell ya pregnant women and women with newborns deserve those spots as much as some old bastard does. Does he know how to fucking read??!?!? The old folks spots are clearly labeled! Obviously he lost his fucking reader when he treking through five feet of snow to get to school. I do believe we should respect our elders, but when someone like that who isn't paying enough fucking attention to read the goddamm parking spots is going to try and "put me in my place", he better watch his fucking step. And learn to read. You're making my people look bad, you ignorant old fuck.

I guess I just get tired of people like that. In their own ways, they're self-righteous bullies. I've been bullied by people like that all my life and I'm fucking sick of it. I know I have an attack dog mentallity, and for the most part I do a good job of keeping it leashed. But that leash is gonna' snap.

Hell No, I Ain't Happy

Ah fuck.

What a week. You ever just feel like you're fighting the whole damn time and you finally make some headway and then end up fighting again? I'm just tired of it. My big stress is more or less put to bed. I edit (read as write damn near every fucking article for) a magazine for a local cruise. The group that are organizing it are a great group of people. They work hard, want to have a good time and have big hearts. However, they're weren't happy with the fact I didn't make it to all the meetings they had (didn't know it was required). In the end there was a big fight and someone quit. It's just not worth it. They want me to do it next year but if some members feel I'm part of the problems they had in the past, it isn't good. And they need the person who quit. I'm sad it ended like that.

Then there's work. Everytime I feel like I'm gaining some ground something changes and I end up back at square one. Plans are being made without my involvement unintentionally, but it's getting old just the same. I'm sitting here scratching my head wondering if the promotion was worth it.

And I think I pissed off the missus but I don't know how and she's the last person I want to fight with.

I'm just tired. If my confidant were available I wouldn't be writing a tired, whiny-ass post. Life isn't horrible. I'm just tired of fighting, that's all. I want to go lay in the grass and take a nap in the sun or something.

Well, . . . .

I'm tired you guys. Real tired. If I can make it through Thursday I'll be alright.

My fucking eyes hurt and my head hurts and I'm just fucking tired. If I were marching home I'd stop and sleep in the cold snow. But I'm not and there's no snow.